maybe one day I will discover that I am okay just being me. that I am enough just where I am just how I am. Its so hard with rejection to see yourself clearly and remember that even though that person did not want you, it does not take away your value. Its so easy to get caught up in that self pity shit when someone says no I don't see you that way. Its hard when you know how fabulous you are but you are more then aware of your faults. afterall we are each are own worst critic. there is that voice that is screaming what is wrong with me. show me the defect. what can I fix. what can I shift. ugh. But in reality I don't want that. I want to say fuck you. I am this amazing creative, smart, sexy, silly, laughing and wise woman. Too bad you can't see this beauty.

but instead I retreat into myself.

I crave to know the intimate details of someone's body. to relish in its discovery for hours at a time. to feel someone's breath on my neck when I wake up in the morning. to take long and pointless drives just to have time together away from the craziness. to remember what it feels like to be loved and to love back. to remember it is okay to open up and let someone in that close again. to remember how fun it is to just to make out. to come home and not have to explain everything but be able to show where I am by a simple look. to laugh and laugh and laugh.

but instead I work on finding the beauty in this solitude right now. knowing it has purpose and truth for me.